as the title mentioned above....
wat feeling?
erm.. how to express it in words???
Lonely?? nope...
sad?? nope...
i think.. i still prefer the word lonely~
this feeling always come to me whenever I'm alone in the room...
staring at the ceiling~ hugging my bear~ sometimes i even talk to them~
they are the only thing i have~
they are the one who can understand me deeply~
i feel much secure with them~
Human!!! is the word i'll shout if the place i go is crowded!!!
i hate to be surrounded by HUMAN!!!
i hate those human who dint noe how to give way!!!
they only now how to push n wan to be the 1st in all way!!!!
SELFISH!!!
AND i admit i'm one of them!!!!
beside.. i hate HUMAN to be too FLEXIBLE~~
as in emotional flexible~~
they can jz change 360degree in a second!!!!as fast as light's speed!!!!
they can be nice to u now! but once they turn their face... there go the evil!!!!!
Everyone around me will say: Feliz u have a great life.. u have SO many friends~
but deep inside me i noe i dun have a close friend~
Jz a moment ago... my friend(make him to MR.T) ask me~
T:'Hey u seem like something bothering u... u ok?
i smile... :'i'm all right~ i'm cool!" which i noe i'm not!!!
i always do so~ whenever i feel bad about something i tend to keep them to myself~
the only thing i'll do is SILENT~
i feel that the whole world stop at that moment...
i can't hear who is talking beside me..
i can't even feel anything!!!!
i'm jz alone sitting there.... stunt!!
i use to have Friends to come forward n comfort about me~
but now.. at this very moment~
i jz cant find them~
for those who noe me..
u guys should noe i had changed few secondary school..
n i get along with the schoolmate very soon~
as ppl say i'm very sociable~n i am~
since young... i'll nvr be alone.. i'm always the center of the crowd... the attention of everyone!!!
but things change!!!
as i remember my very 1st two closest friend weresince young... i'll nvr be alone.. i'm always the center of the crowd... the attention of everyone!!!
but things change!!!
Chris n Mag..
yea~ We WERE really close till things change.. which i hav to transfer bk to kl during my F4... n of course v keep contact...
until now... three of us in different college.... different life... different environment~
less contact~ they did visit me during my last sem break...
but i can feel the gap between me n them ... why? may be i'm not staying in MELAKA??
yea i think that is the best reason to comfort myself...
let's go on my friend's list.. NX
Puchong~
Agnes, Carmun, Danial...
yea, We WERE really close too....
Agnes - enroll in KDU.. which not really far from my coll... but still... she is bz with her assignment may be.. which make her no time for contact me ~ n of course she got closer friend to her in Puchong~ so.... NX
Carmun- studying in Tarc... around Petaling Jaya... not really far as well.. bt not really close to me in person~ again.. bz with assignment.. n the close friend~i am so not in the list~NX...
Danial- weirdest man i ever meet in my life...sometime he say is he there.. but mostly he is gone~ no comment~
(p.s i'm not blaming anyone ok~ i'm jz trying to express here~)
go on to my coll-KDU
Chiyin probably...
i'm closest friend to me in KDU~
but now since i'm not in that coll... she is bz with her studies as well...
n of course... with her MR'Right~ hope they will get together soon!!! i pray hard for them~
move on to my life now~ SEGI
closest friend?
Gaya, Eleanor~
as i mention... things change~~
yea... V WERE very 'close'.. but nw?? there is a gap between us...
(*if u guys are reading this... answer this to ur heart!)
u two seems happy together.. n i feel i'm not in the conversation.. n that make me feel apart away from u all~(sound childish la wei!)
but is true~
Gaya- sorry to say that.. but u changed... or may be should say i feel that things change...
i'm sure u feel the same way~ v are seem wearing masks when v talk to each other nw...
SO FAKE~i noe u boshong of something... N ME TOO!!
Eleanor- v memang not much to talk about.. so.. NO comment~
PPL i mention above~
i always keep silent when i bo shong...
cause i noe.. if i speak it out... u all will think that i vry 'small gas'
such a small thing also wan to get angry.....so childish~
i always try to be as mature as i can..
but i'm tired of this!!! i really am!!
n now wat i'm going to do... looking forward.. n will mange my anger n the way i express them~~ BECAUSE!!! i got my secret my weapon behind me....
hope NEW FELIZ coming SOON~~~
honestly speaking, yes there is a gap. but the gap is because yeah, we've been too far apart. like what you say, diff lifestyle, college, friends. i have to say,don't feel like a stranger coz not that we only have the 3 of us, but we DO only have the 3 of us that knows each other better than ordinary friends.
ReplyDeletewhen i first saw chris after a long long time coz i spend less time with her, we too have a gap coz we had diff things to think about and all. and after so long not meeting and catching up, there is actually nothing much to talk about. but after i started seeing her more frequently, we were back to normal. and being sick and horny as usual. cursing and yelling away.
if you think that only you are going thru this then you are really wrong. because i jut went thru this and i am still going thru this. at least you have friends now. i dont have new friends in college. my gang are all in diff course. so yeah, if compared to you, i think i should be even sad.
i walk to bus stop alone, come back alone, eat alone, stay at home alone. no one to talk to, no one to hang out with. u at least still have room mate, some one to smile to and say hi to. but i really don't have any to do these to.
so, you should think in a positive light that sometimes there are people more terrible situation than you are.
ps: im writing this in a cool and calm *voice* the one i use when i "counsel"
What made you think he is gone??
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